I have decided to start a small series on my blog about Judaism: my personal journey, Judaism itself, and how both fit into this time and place.
This process really began decades ago (which makes me feel very old to say) when I first left what I later learned was a very sheltered life, ensconced in a Jewish community that was integrated but observant, allowing me to live almost entirely in a Jewish world that, nonetheless, interacted with the non-Jewish world without being beholden to it, unaware of the differentiation. I later learned my parents had gone to great lengths to find such a community in which to raise us, to keep us from experiencing a world in which Jews are an Other, harassed and hidden and endangered and often treated as mythical, without depending on geographic or social isolation.
I grew up with largely Jewish friends, without realizing that this was unusual or having it even occur to me that there was a difference between my Jewish friends and non-Jewish friends. I grew up working in Jewish organizations, without it occurring to me that they were Jewish. Celebrating Shabbat weekly, without understanding others did not. Eating at Delis, eating challah, without conceiving of these as per se Jewish. Mourning with my family and close friends and not realizing others did not mourn this way. Discussing and analyzing and interpreting with Jewish perspectives that did not, to me, seem to be particularly Jewish.
This was not New York with its entire Jewish communities from cradle to grave; not LA, a worldwide hub of Jewish cultural expression; not Israel, a country where Jews are the majority, the norm. My community, instead, was an expression of pure pluralism; Jews living Jewishly without needing specialized infrastructure, without needing to be the majority, and without a hint of defensiveness, without needing to remind others or themselves that they are Jewish. Now obviously, I come to this from the perspective of youth, protected from the responsibilities. It isn't like we didn't experience antisemitism. Swastikas carved into the desk of a Bio class, degrees of self-segregation, clashing values did happen. Nor were we lacking in information. I grew up with white skin, dirty blonde hair, blue eyes, upper-middle class with oodles of advantages and privileges, after all. But being Jewish was so normal and unremarkable, yes, largely from ubiquity and local power dynamics, that antisemitism seemed more a cultural relic lacking in any real power in the world. Either ironic displays that more highlight the lack of teeth, or almost laughable grasps for historical relevance that can be brushed off as easily as a blonde joke.
I knew about the Holocaust, but it didn't occur to me that those students whose genealogy trees stopped 2 generations back on one or both sides were Jewish. There were so many, it was just a normal thing that some people had.
I knew about violence against Jews in the modern world, but it didn't occur to me the ways in which geographic and cultural clashes resulted in violence were connected with people being Jewish. That was just history and this is now!
I knew Jews were only 2-ish % of the United States and 0.2-ish % of the world population, but it didn't occur to me as significant that my school was 40% Jewish and about 80-90% of my friends were Jewish. After all, I rarely thought about the religion of others, and Judaism was just a religion so why would I pay attention to that? I mean, some of my cousins and aunts and uncles are Christian and some are Jewish and we barely even recognized them as being different branches.
I knew that challah was used for Shabbat and that we said blessings for Shabbat, but challah is just food and Shabbat is a family activity, sometimes shared with friends. How could others not be familiar with bread or a day of rest?!
As I grew and left my home, physically for other cities (even nearby) and mentally for other groups, jobs, and social circles (first Jewish, as at home, and then not), I would get more and more reminders of these differences to which I hadn't given any thought previously.
How could there be a "culture fit" problem with somebody who has never spoken to me?
Why would somebody be sending me multiple questions every day about Israel if I never bring it up?
Why can't I find something as simple as a deli?
How could somebody have never met a Jew?
How am I supposed to know anything about Iran?
Why is taking off my kippah in the person's house, or when I travel, supposed to be "respectful"?
Why are people uncomfortable just looking at or talking about my kippah?
Again and again like a little niggle in the back of my mind, reminders that I am Jewish. These and others, something that was unremarkable was made to be vital, necessary to my identity. I was told, it was expected and explained that being Jewish is a religion. So, why was it coming up when I wanted to eat? Why did it matter that my employers had been Jewish companies when I'm looking for a job? Why would I change my clothing, even if you take the non-Jewish view of it, if Judaism is simply a religion?
To answer the questions I was expected to be able to answer, to understand why and how others would interact with me, I developed an understanding of what it meant that I was Jewish. And so, since I had never had to explore it before, I learned. If society would make it clear to me that my identity is inextricably tied with being Jewish, it is worthwhile to know what parts of me are because I am Jewish. As a corollary, what does it mean, then, to be Jewish? When we strip away the expectations placed on us by society, the things I made a part of me to fit in, or to push back, or to explain, or justify, or even understand, what is it to have a Jewish identity without the non-Jewish expectations?
I said the idea for this series really began back when I first encountered the "real world" but by far the biggest part has come from my Beshert. In my wife's first encounters with Jews, through me, I have rediscovered it for myself as well, with her heart-meltingly joyous support. I have explored its meaning, not just why we say the Shema and the prayers for the fruit of the earth, for light, how we mourn and how we celebrate, our festivals and our foods, but also what it means to me, where it comes from, how I can deepen the meaning it has in my life. In this, it occurred to me that many Jewish practices are, in their opacity, a unique type of opaque. Our traditions may be known, searchable, easy to find and openly discussed, but they are so often fit in non-Jewish boxes and explained in non-Jewish terms (even by Jews) that it is often difficult to look at and think about and discuss them, much less understand them without having to be fully encased by an exclusively Jewish environment.
This series will attempt to explore some of the thoughts I have about certain concepts: history and origins, regional customs, the practice and meaning, its contours. But it is also going to be about my personal connections to it, what it means to me, how I am thinking about it. And finally, each post will include how it fits into modern society: political context, social needs, cultural demands and difficulties.
Some examples of topics on which I have already given a great deal of thought and which I plan/hope to include in this series:
Kippot
Shabbat
Tefillin
Mourning
Kashrut
Negiah
Tznius
This series is not to find ways in which politics and culture are relevant to Judaism and how we have grown and accommodated, but to take it the other way and center the Jewish experience and regard the ways in which culture has been, and could be, shaped by our practices.
I want to be clear, this is very heavily about helping me, personally. I'm using this to crystallize my thoughts, help me deepen my own understanding and meaning of Jewish practices and to track my experiences and religious growth. But it will also, hopefully be a benefit to others: non-Jews who might not be familiar with Judaism and want to understand their loved ones, friends, neighbours, and fellow citizens, or even to decide that some of these make sense in their own life; and also to Jews who are exploring their Judaism just like me, maybe hoping to explain to their loved ones, or even just to add to the fabric of the Jewish community one more set of experiences.
So, I will be keeping my eyes and ears out for particular situations in my life and in the world in which something becomes particularly relevant, which might be beneficial for exploring some aspect of Jewish observance or the Jewish experience. I would encourage anybody generous enough to read my blog to look for themselves for such opportunities in their own lives, and in the world, for some aspect with which to connect history and culture and experience and hope to look and extract something meaningful and helpful. And to share it in the comments if possible, to potentially spark a new idea in me and others, but at least to expand our understanding of others and help us move closer to the pluralistic society towards which we strive.
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